Susan here…and just like most of you, John, my Speedo wearing husband, and I, are awaiting the New Year so we can make resolutions that never get kept.
Susan here…and just like most of you, John, my Speedo wearing husband, and I, are awaiting the New Year so we can make resolutions that never get kept.
We have made many resolutions that have been kept like; quitting smoking, eating healthier, spending more time with the family (sometimes I wish I could take this one back), you know….yadda, yadda, yadda…
The one area that never gets resolved…..that damn Speedo! Here are the resolutions that are made every year and are never kept:
1.) If he wears that Speedo one more time, I’m leaving!
Every New Years eve I make a resolution quietly to myself that if I see the Speedo again… I’m outta there.
Well every year it’s the same thing. I’m firm in my promise to myself and when the first pool party rolls around and John squeezes into that horrible Speedo….I spend time explaining and hiding. Obviously I haven’t left…I’m still writing about it.
2.) Sweetie, I promise I’ll try a new suit this year.
John tries, as every year he says, he will try out a new fashion statement that won’t put off our friends.
Every year it’s the same thing. I bring home designer swim trunks, wild prints, bright colors and it doesn’t matter. He tries them on, looks in the mirror and makes a face. I immediately tell him how great he looks and it never fails…the phone rings.
By the time I get back…he’s standing there in the stupid Speedo and saying…" I tried".
3.) Our friends saying they’ll try to be more understanding.
Lets face it…when our friends are rude and point and laugh when John is proudly strutting around in his wonderful Speedo with his gut hanging over….they’re right.
Our friends promise they will try to behave and just turn the other cheek, but the only one showing any cheek is John and I end up being humiliated too.
The New Year is a time that should be filled with new promise and hope for change. In my case I have come to the final stage of grief…acceptance (until I find a way to get rid of the Speedo).
So I will go on being looked over for pool parties, dreading vacation time (thank goodness it’s a year away) and putting the Speedo through the washer over and over to make it fall apart ( these things are indestructible).
But I’ll be back next year with unfulfilled New Years promises until the Speedo is gone!