This is Susan again and I have to share with women that have a husband who just won’t trade in the Speedo for a regular bathing suit.

Every year at Christmas John, I and the children vacation in Mexico. It’s a terrifying experience for me and the kids because we know that the horrible Speedo will make an appearance.

I am afraid when Christmas rolls around and here is why.

1.) Packing to go to Mexico.

That tiny piece of spandex is growing a personality along with some mold I think. When John is packing it, I swear that it is looking at me and saying, "I’m gonna be on the beach and there’s nothing you can do".

Also I keep the children occupied until the beloved Speedo is in the suitcase. If I don’t, I spend the rest of the time at home reassuring them that I will try to get Daddy to leave his ‘bikini’ at home.

 

2.) The ride to Mexico.

John has caught me too many times trying to dump that thing in a trash can at the gas station before the border. So it was in the front seat so John could keep an eye on it.

You are thinking...’Well that’s not a big

deal’. You spend 4 hours in the car with crying children asking, "Why did you let Daddy bring the red monster?"

 

3.) Going to the beach.

Getting to the beach for a sun filled Christmas should be relaxing. Not! I spend the day trying to walk in front of John so he doesn’t scare small children, repulse women and get pointed and laughed at.

As well reminding him to ‘tuck his thing back in’ and covering him with a towel when he’s sleeping.

 

4.) The frantic 3 year old.

Despite all my efforts I’m not in time to save at least one poor kid.

The embarrassment of trying to quiet a 3 year old yelling ‘The man has a snake in his pants", and trying to explain it to his upset mother is too much to take.

 

5.) The nights at the cantina.

Mexico vacations include nights at the cantina with everyone in their beachwear. Well there’s John in his damn Speedo.

People part like the Red Sea, I give up for the day, walking behind him with my head hung and trying to get as smashed as I can.

 

So this is my list of 5 reasons I fear Christmas. I know there are more of you. Speedo wives unite to save our holidays!